


for all the things i find beautiful

by sayomiya



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, M/M, probably was a bad decision to write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 13:32:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15931454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sayomiya/pseuds/sayomiya
Summary: No matter how much time passes, he'll always think of Sena whenever he sees something beautiful.It's too bad there's too much distance between them now for him to say that.(Leo's thoughts when he's away from school along with a series of unsent messages.)





	for all the things i find beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> hello,,,,i love izuleo even though i don't talk much about it,,,just,,,,,,them
> 
> enjoy!

It’s a problem if you try to use your entire life for someone else for another person.

 

—

 

The computer’s screen blinks back at him through the pitch darkness.

 

It’s been blinking for a while now. The brightness is glaring when all his lights are turned off, but if he keeps them on, Ruka will know he’s been staying up late again.

 

He can’t worry her any more than he already has.

 

Without any warning, a sigh tumbles out of his lips. 

 

He’s been sighing a lot lately.

 

Shaking his head to get rid of whatever’s trying to plague him—it’s been quite successful, he has to admit _that_ —he hits play on the half-finished track again, even though he’s replayed it so many times he’s lost count. 

 

It’s all he can do, after all.

 

By this time, he has the beat of every instrument memorised; he knows which second the drums kick off, what harmonies the piano contributes in which section, what settings each individual synthesiser is tuned to, but somehow, it’s not enough.

 

His eyes tingle, the way they do before they start to burn from staring at screens too long. He wants to go to bed. He needs to go to bed. 

 

But he’s not done yet.

 

There’s something lacklustre with the song. It feels like it’s missing something that had made all his older works so precious, so _beloved_ , but he doesn’t know just what it is. After all, he’s doing it the same way as usual, isn’t he?

 

If so, why is it so boring?

 

It’s not just this piece. There are countless more on paper, half scattered about his desk and the other half indiscriminately stuffed in the bin at his feet. All of them are the same, with a few lines of notes being scribbled out with a black ballpoint pen, but the rest of the pages are filled with nothing but blank space.

 

That’s the point where the inspiration stops flowing as well; the point where his hand freezes and his thoughts lose their cohesiveness altogether.

 

He bites his lip and moves back to his screen, cranking the drums’ volume up to the max just for the hell of it and replaying the three bars he has mapped out. 

 

The beat thuds through his body, and his ears will probably pay the price for it years down the road, but he’s never been one to think of the consequences—if he doesn’t think about it, then it’s not there.

 

Despite everything, he grins at the odd thrill.

 

Five seconds pass before he turns the drums down again, and he flops down onto his bed, grabbing his phone and typing in the passcode Sena had made him set long ago.

 

There aren’t any new messages. He hasn’t accepted work in a while, so it’s fairly natural that his phone has been silent.

 

The last ones are from Sena, and his stomach curdles at the sight, because they were sent half a month ago and having Sena missing from his life is a foreign, foreign concept.

 

He hates it.

 

—

 

**From: Sena**

 

_i went by your house and dropped off some documents, your sister probably already passed them to you_

 

_i’ll come back tomorrow_

 

_don’t forget to eat, dumbass_

 

—

 

He doesn't even have the courage to reply the message.

 

His gaze drifts to the top of his screen, and he stifles a sigh of relief when he realises Sena isn’t online. He expects just as much—Sena has always been the type to care about his beauty sleep and all, so _of course_ he won't be awake at god knows when in the morning.

 

Absentmindedly, he taps on the message board, his fingers moving before he knows it.

 

—

 

**To: Sena**

 

_heard you guys were at the book fair !!! i went to check it out_

 

—

 

He frowns and hits undo.

 

—

 

_just as expected, sena, your face is really beautiful as usual! no wonder you’re a model_

 

—

 

He groans and backspaces until he’s met with an empty message box once again. What is he even _doing_ at a time like this?

 

—

 

_the newbie seems cute! what’s his name again?_

 

_you guys seem like you’re managing yourselves well, though_

 

_that’s good_

 

—

 

A small pang of loneliness strikes him when he types that last sentence. He knows he shouldn’t feel this way—he was the one who abandoned his Knights like the coward he was, and he left them to pick up his broken pieces.

 

So why was he so sad that they seemed to be doing fine on their own?  


 

He grimaces; hits undo yet again, and switches off his phone.

 

He has other things to do. Tsukinaga Leo should not be this pathetic right now, huddled up in his room like some kind of shut-in and not even being able to finish a single song.

 

He turns back to his computer.

 

—

 

His fingers thumb over the surface of his phone, and he kicks his feet in the air as he rereads old messages from a year ago.

 

Things were so much simpler then, he thinks.

 

He would snap a picture of anything he saw while he was out, and he’d send it to Sena without second thoughts, like _“this reminds me of you!”_ and _“I got inspiration for a new song!”_ , and though Sena hardly replied, they were both happy.

 

Now, he’s scared of even running into him.

 

He wants to go back to the old days, when he can say whatever he wants without that wall between them.

 

He'd taken a walk this morning—Ruka had forced him out of the house for a bit—and the sunrise had been admittedly beautiful. There’d been a lake in a park near his house, and he’d watched as flecks of gold danced off the water’s glimmering surface.

 

The smell of the dewdrops on the flowers had been painfully sweet.

 

It had reminded him of Sena. Most beautiful things did, nowadays, and for a moment, he’d felt the for in his brain lift a little—he’d felt like he could compose properly again.

 

He wants to tell Sena that, tell him just how wonderful he thinks he is; he wants to tell Sena how everything pretty reminds him of his face. He wants Sena to know just how _much_ of him he can feel outside, in every little bit of nature.

 

Maybe it’s because Sena’s just that beautiful. Maybe it’s because Sena’s stuck with him for so long that he can’t help but feel his presence everywhere.

 

If he’d done it while they were first-years, he would have just been called a creep, but he didn’t mind it. It wouldn’t have been as bad as the thousands of miles they’ve distanced themselves from each other.

 

He smiles as he lands on a message that Sena had sent when they’d just won a Duel. It was just a short “congratulations, you did well”, but praise rarely came from him, so his compliments had double the meaning behind them.

 

His fingers tap out another message. 

 

He doesn’t know when he’d formed this habit, where he types out and delete messages as soon as they're written, but he can’t stop himself.

 

—

 

**To: Sena**

 

_by the way, i saw the newbie perform while i was at the mall today! i went to get something and went all like “hey, isn’t that kid familiar”_

 

_he’s so cute! i wanna squish his cheeks and go on “kyuuuuuu~n”, but he seems like the type who’d get mad at me_

 

_definitely still has some way to go, though, but he’s a first year so i can’t blame him!_

 

_reminds me of someone but i’m not sure HAHA_

 

_—_

 

While it’s clear the first-year has _some_ form of experience, his moves aren’t as polished as the rest of his Knights. The live had been entertaining, though, and he wasn’t lying when he said he was cute.

 

He wonders how his unit is doing now.

 

Have they been able to get work? Have they picked themselves up? 

 

How is Sena doing?

 

He shakes his head and deletes the message again.

 

—

 

It’s been a long day.

 

Mama had told him that Knights were holding some kind of live, along with the dark-haired kid from Itsuki’s unit. He doesn’t know anything about him, nor does he care, but he sneaks in to catch a glimpse of his unitmates. 

 

They’ve grown so much.

 

He’s only able to stand in the audience, cap covering his hair and mask over his mouth, and his mouth hangs half-open at the performance.

 

It’s only been a year, but while his clock has stopped, the rest of their clocks have been moving at double the speed to make up for his absence. The end result is…well, stunning, and he’s trying not to cry because he’ll get found out if he does.

 

Sena always had a knack for finding him. This is a time where Sena absolutely, definitely _cannot_ find him.

 

_This_ is what Knights is, he thinks, watching Rittsu and Naru and Sena sit up proudly on the horses they’re atop. This is what Knights is meant to be.

 

He holds his breath as Sena gaze lands on him for a second. He freezes, unsure of what to do, but nearly collapses in relief when he looks away. 

 

So he’d just been looking at the audience.

 

He escapes before any more accidents can happen. Either way, he’s seen enough of the live to be content, and he has plenty of inspiration for thousands of new songs now.

 

It seems that his old touch is coming back bit by bit. Soon, he thinks he’ll be able to go to school again.

 

But there’s always a dark spot in his mind that asks him _what will you do when you run into Sena?_

 

He doesn’t know the answer to that.

 

He’s itching to go back to see his Knights already, to join the fray and lead them into battle once more. He wants to write each of them so many songs, until they have no idea what to do with them anymore.

 

Now, as he recalls how _happy_ each of them looked, he’s not so sure if he deserves to go back and ruin their peace.

 

Is there even still a place left for him in Knights?

 

He doesn’t know the answer to that either.

 

—

 

He’ll be back in school at the end of the month.

 

He’s terrified at the prospect, but he has to face up to it someday. He can’t keep running away from his issues forever, and if he skipped any more, he’ll be threatened with expulsion.

 

There are a stack of papers near his computer. They’re the ones that made it through all his drafting and mad composing sessions, and it’s an essential of sorts for him; he wants to be prepared with _something_ when he returns.

 

What did the other students call his works again? A weapon?

 

Perhaps so.

 

His outfit for the joint live between Akatsuki and Ra*bits hangs by his door. He’s taken care not to leave it strewn on his bed like most of his other clothes, because Kuro worked hard on his outfits and he treats things from his friends with care.

 

He hadn’t wanted to perform at first, but Kuro and Nazu had convinced him to take it as a test run. In some ways, they’re right—he needs to dip his toes in the water again to gauge its temperature before diving right in once more.

 

It’s been a year since he performed on stage.

 

Somehow, he’s almost excited for tomorrow to come, when he can dance and sing and laugh again, and when he can experience that magical feeling of singing his songs.

 

His phone lights up with a message then, and he jumps.

 

—

 

**From: Sena**

 

_oi, is it true that you’re performing tomorrow?_

 

_are you planning on coming back to school?_

 

_…i can see that you’re online, you know_

 

_ou-sama?_

 

—

 

He grabs his phone and clutches it to his chest, shutting his eyes and trying erase all thoughts of Sena from his mind, but the device just vibrates again.

 

—

 

**From: Sena**

 

_leo-kun?_

 

—

 

He’s not sure if his heart is pounding or it’s just the phone that’s trembling in his hands. 

 

His brain screams at him to answer, because Sena deserves a proper answer for why he was left hanging all this time, but his fingers seem disconnected from his nerves, and they’re shaking too much to be of much good.

 

He wasn’t so sure before, but now he knows that he _definitely_ can’t face Sena when he goes back to school.

 

After all, he’s the reason Sena had to dirty himself. Sena is beautiful, in all the ways the world is and more, and right now, he is perfect and complete with his fellow Knights beside him. 

 

If he goes back, everything might crumble to dust again.

 

He gulps and tries to steady his breathing. The _online_ symbol doesn’t fade from beside Sena’s name.

 

Deep in his heart, he wants to be selfish and bask in Sena’s love again. He wants those pockets of time back, when they didn’t have to worry about anything in the world, and when Sena remained loyal by his side despite all his complaints.

 

Sena really is a wonderfully kind person.

 

He doesn’t deserve any of that kindness.

 

And, as if he’s suddenly had a breakthrough, he rushes to type out a message, fingers flying across the screen.

 

—

 

**To: Sena**

 

_i’m sorry_

 

—

 

He doesn’t even realise that he’s crying at this point.

 

— 

 

**To: Sena**

 

_i miss you_

 

—

 

He smiles a little at the string of words he's formed, but he’ll never be able to send them honestly. 

 

Even if Sena had waited the entire night, he still won’t be able to work up the courage to hit _send._

 

He’s still a coward, after all.

 

As usual, he deletes the message.

 

—

 

But still, I want to keep protecting at least the things I really treasure.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> oh no i made my self sad
> 
> Anyway I'm not really sure how to write Leo as a character, but i hope i did it sort of right? Ayy :^D
> 
> If you want to scream at me about fictional 2D boys, yell at me on my twitter @ikanyaide! (hmu please i finally started using it to post stuff LOL)


End file.
